orange blossom, seeds in the fridge, seafood pasta, bright plans...

boxing day is better than Christmas.

3 DAYS!

that's right bitches! i'm back in three days!

she's done it again

http://current.com/items/89614245/target_women_jewelry.htm

highlight

the band was good. but i think the little bitch comment still takes the cake.

i only get one day off this week. blarg.

100 posts! should we have a party? with cake?

check it out

my other other blog

http://tandbtorontofirsts.blogspot.com/

There’s this series of pictures in one of my parent’s photo albums. I’m pretty little and the photos are of me and my mom and dad in bed first thing in the morning. My mom looks freaking gorgeous in these pictures.

This morning I woke up and almost puked on myself when I looked in the mirror. Just sayin’.

a band.

What's Love is All?

aaaaahahahaa.

you calling yourself a little bitch might be the highlight of my week. i'm going to see Love is All on thursday though, so we'll see.

i am reading one D at a time. a lot. can't stop.

Stuff

So, about 5 months ago, I returned this shirt I bought at work because it had a small hole in it. It was $100. It's still downstairs waiting to be sent back to the supplier. Now it's on sale. So I bought it again, this time for 40 bucks. Ha!

In other news, a giant, fragrant Christmas tree has appeared in our building's lobby. There will be a group decorating party tomorrow night--Precious, non?

House-sitting for grandma, I've been a bit lonely. It should also be said that I'm not used to television and it's emotionally manipulating ways. This is all important pre-amble that I hope will justify the following confession. So, I was flipping channels and Charlie Brown Christmas was on. I immediately started crying like a little bitch.* I then decided against a third glass of wine and went to bed.

*credit-Fart Party.

She should read One D. It's better than therapy. You're reading it already, so you have nothing to worry about.

Although, after reading it for long stretches at a time, I begin to feel pretty damn despondent.

not to be alarmist but...

this article is sort of annoying (in a few ways) but i'm thinking therepy now so this isn't me later?

http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2008/12/09/kit_naylor/index.html

the picture is cute though.

that one D at a Time blog makes me want to do bad things.

sometimes when i'm not fully awake in the mornings, usually just after i've turned my alarm off, i think to myself: "i could just keep sleeping, no one would notice if i didn't show up at work" and i actually believe it, my sleeping brain, still in dream mode brain actually thinks that i could sleep all day and it wouldn't matter.

it's weird that grandma has email now, right?

let's get her to join facebook.

Oh! I was wondering what the hell a mastiff was.

Weirdly enough, after I read about the mastiff in your care, I picked up a book that Kirstin had given me as a birthday present looong ago, and behold: "The General read somewhere that Columbus brought a pack of mastiffs to the New World to terrorize the savages."

I forget who you are, already. Come home soon and I can remember. Please keep the 20th of Dec. free for my birthday. Thank you.

I’ll answer in order:

I don’t know.

I’m serving at a pub. It’s called The Village Idiot Pub. It’s like a pub, with pub food, and lots of draft beer. My boss is a little unpredictable, but seems to like me. Today my co-worker called in sick and I had a table of ten and a table of thirteen along with five or six tables of two at the same time. Then one the table of ten complained the food was taking too long. I shrugged. Then they all wanted separate bills.

Still working on the job application. Hope to have it done tomorrow morning.

I’ll be in Edmonton for two weeks!

Who does?

Are you serving? What kind of a place is it?

Are you done your application yet?

How long will you be in Edmonton for?

You may answer these questions in whichever order you prefer, but you must answer them all. Yes, even the first one. I'd like to know.

i don't wanna go to work!

First things first. I wasn’t drunk. I’m just bad at spelling.

Saturday is like Sunday for me. Which basically means I get to dread going back to work tomorrow.

I’m working on that job application for the U of T Center for Women and Trans People. It’s sort of fun. But also frustrating. What if they just don’t call me. At least in university when you handed in a paper you got it back with, if nothing else, a grade. Which suggests that someone read it. The more I’m away from school the more I think it’s great, but I know I wouldn’t think that if I went back. What I probably miss is all that money that I got and that I have to pay back now.

Maybe I should put off finding a real job and see if this grasshoppin thing turns into something job-ish.

Tonight I’m house sitting for a friend who is in Montreal for a couple days. She has a mastiff. He is fucking massive. I think I’ll go walk around with him at three in the morning just for fun. No one messes with you when you keep company with a mastiff.

2000 miles, Tequila, and My City is Gone. Ahhh, Saturday afternoon. So, I might actually take that class. There's one in Chicago in January and one outside of New York--the Hudson River Valley--in July. Hmmm.

p.s.--were you drinking when you wrote durring? Does one slur in print form as well?

hmm. indeed.

You? Straight? Pfft.

out of commision: sunday thru thursday.

sorry i never update durring the week because i'm working and if i'm not working i'm drinking and if i'm not doing either of those things i'm sleeping.

take the writing course! find a way.

so far i've stolen about 14 glasses from work. i already broke one. cheap pieces of shit.

what else? oh, in case you didn't see it already: http://www.bigrockbeer.com/grasshoppin/

i'm working on an application for the UofT's center for women and trans people. i'm probably a little too white and a little too straight to get this job, but i REALLY REALLY want it.

I have to take Lynda Barry's writing class!

No, seriously.

http://www.myspace.com/writingtheunthinkable

Ahhh...I love this crazy lady!

ha ha ha ha.

Anything that I could steal at work has a retail value of like, $2500, which makes the whole prospect considerably un-fun. I stole a pen once. A good inky one.

every morning when i get to work, around ten, i go to the basement – after signing in and before vacuuming – and put two pint glasses in my purse. so far i have a stella half pint, a tennents, a boddingtons, a full and a half pint hoogardens, and two waterloo dark glasses. this makes work SO much more bearable. just sayin'. anything fun you could steal at your work?

Wednesday.

Today I had five test tubes of blood drained out of my arm. It was great. Then I went to replenish (with food, not with more blood) at a quiet coffee shop, where I ordered a giant salad that was very artfully composed--a towering pile of delicious leaves, goat cheese, almonds, and cranberries. Unfortunately, I found a slimy, twisted piece of hair at the bottom of this composition, which really should have bothered me more than it did. I merely ate around it, polishing off every last morsel, save the leaf that was touching the hair. Er, I might have eaten that too, actually.

In other news, I'm considering a career as a drone. Just to change things up a bit, you know?

oh hush.

it is intense. now i'm afraid he's going to get assassinated.

I'm Jealous

At first, I was elated--hopeful, energized, and enormously relieved. But I have to say, the green is creeping in. After all these smug years of gentle anti-Americanism, I want to be American! Mostly, I just want in on the party. But I also wish that I could claim some responsibility for such a historic moment--such an exhilarating moment. Well, with any luck, Obama will soon be our leader. Suddenly, I'm all for the previously dreaded invasion, although the cruel irony is that now, with such a peace-loving individual leading the country, it may never happen.

found it. good comment, i think. that other guy is annoying.

Well, a lot of people have commented since me. You just have to go to the previous page of comments. But it doesn' t matter--the comments that are on the first page are fascinating. Really, how much do you pay as an individual for Heather Mallick's column, "Johnsonville"? Ok, I'll take it back to CBC. Garrhh!

i can't find your comment.

i still have a job. i just can't drink at it. which doesn't actually stop me. i just don't pay for it. and i do it while working. the boss is so crazy ramona, a part of me would be relieved if he fired me.

i'm going to a volunteer orientation for Redwood, it's a shelter for women and children, on wednesday.

i need more to do. i'm over thinking things. and i'm feeling lonely.

Hey, guess what? I'm anti-hatred!

Researchers have discovered a hate circuit in the brain. Good.

Now, I've been struck lately by how often people are hateful--it's not just that the word is overused ("I hate ice cream!"), but people really hate each other. They hate co-workers, politicians, and products deeply and violently. I hear it on the radio, in my own office, and at home.
I have never associated any of my negative feelings towards a person as hatred. I can say truthfully that I've never hated anyone, not even a public figure. I'm beginning to think that I've given the emotion too much credit--I imagine it to be a pure, intense aggression, something that you instinctively know to be hatred. But considering the phenomenon of hate mail, for instance, I guess it's much more arbitrary. Hatred just seeps from the stuff. It's relentless and it's common. It is grinding me into the ground. I guess the entire population except for me has a vibrating, pent-up vitriol that they are just waiting to unleash on strange journalists--strange in that they are strangers. It's crazy!

I finally had to submerge myself into the filthy little pool that is "reader's comments"--oops! I think there's a little hatred in that sentence--and stand up for Heather Mallick, who has been viciously attacked by both Canadians and Americans since her controversial Palin article. Well, actually, she's always been viciously attacked--is it plain sexism? Hatred for the fun of it?

Here is her response to the controversy and here is my comment, at the bottom of the article.

And Bryn, do you still have a job? Last I heard, you were kicked out of the restaurant that you work in.

good call. i'll get my lawyer on it right away.

they're going to send us to five festivals this upcoming summer. i'm hoping they send us to Edmonton, Calgary, Folk on the rocks, Winnipeg, and Ottawa. They also put us up in hotels, fly us to and from the festivals, give us five $200 gift certificates for Moxie’s, and 250 bucks in spending money for each festival!

in other news, i always seem to work for crazy people. my boss now reminds me of zee in a lot of ways, but more of a control freak, and not as easy to read and quiet. last night after my shift the girl i was working with, jess, and i decided to stick around for a drink. we had two and then Atif (our boss) told the guy who was serving us to stop. so we basically got kicked out. what the hell? we were paying for our drinks. i just don't get some people.

Bryn, it says you may be offered alcohol on site. You should negotiate the contract so that you will be offered alcohol on site.

Sweet. They are obviously anticipating some bad behaviour! And so they should, so they should...

I knew you would win. I'm not surprised at all. So how does it work? How long will you be grasshoppin'?

just a little snippet of the contract i have to sign

"Big Rock Brewery is not responsible for the action of the participants while participating in our
Contest. Any property damage, personal injury, all in all - law breaking that takes place for the
duration of the awarded Grand Prize is the responsibility of the participant. Grand Prize winner
understands that alcohol may be offered to them while on site at the festivals – however the participant
understands that he/she is not required to consume and if they choose to do so, it is of their own choice.
Behaviours or events that occur after choosing to consume the offered alcohol are the responsibility of
the Grand Prize winner."

swollen bellies, needles, lubricant, and cold steel. nice.

not to change the subject completley, but...Claire and I won the grasshoppin' contest!! it's going to be great! f

Yes. I am happy. I live to make you cry.

So, today I went for the ol' physical. You know what that means. It means a stranger poking you in the most private of places. Sigh. Yesterday I went to a baby shower, and the two events--the shower and the physical exam--have become kind of interchangeable in my mind. There was also some sewing done in between, so there are swollen bellies, needles, lubricant, and cold steel all swirling around in my physical memory. Huh.

On a side, but related, note; did you know that one cat litter can have more than one father? Something I learned at the shower, natch.

oh my god. that actually made me tear up.

okay, fine. i cried. i totally cried. happy?

my heart is bursting

Done, and done

you have the privileges that come with being admin now. i'm not sure why i had to grant you these privileges, but i did.

i'm in a starbucks right now and they are playing the worst cover of susan.

i start the new job tomorrow, hopefully i make it through more than three shifts this time around.

It's time...

to change our title to Post-Acceleration. Apparently they shut down the collider.

--I can't do it since I don't have "privileges"--

And B, you do have other skills. I mean, you totally know your way around Ikea and you always win at dominoes.

jobs are hard ramona. and why is my only skill serving other people? that's fucked up right?

Why high-waisted?

Yes, I did make a cheesecake. I also made a mascarpone/chocolate/rum layered cake a few nights ago. I gave away 3 slices and ate the rest of it myself. One thing about this baking business--you realize how much crap is in that crap! Not that it stops me.

Whenever my mum talks about her art school days in TO, Fran's comes up. I feel like your life is now a version of Cat's Eye. I'm so jealous of your creepy life! I'm also jealous of the Globe and Mail Style section aspect of living in the big city. Jerk!

Meanwhile, in Edmonton:
http://www.canada.com/edmontonjournal/news/local/story.html?id=fca9c1c8-d3f5-4f66-8838-bf4e96f8fda7
Not even a block away from my place.

Shoot me. Or, I suppose, stab me.
No, I'm kidding. I want to live.

Hey Ramona.

Tell me about thanksgiving! I hear you made/are making a pumpkin cheesecake?

My friend Guy and I are going to Fran’s for a thanksgiving dinner of our own. I really just want the pie.

Now that I’ve got a place to live and a job -- that I haven’t started yet -- I’m not really sure what to do with myself. The first few days I was here the adrenaline was pumping and I was walking all over the city all day looking at places and dropping off resumes and trying to convince myself it would all be okay. I guess I’m coming down from that adrenalin high, and I don’t have anything to distract myself with. Also I just got my period, which probably isn’t helpful. Normally in situations like this I would buy stuff. But I don’t have any money at the moment. I think once I start getting paid my first purchase will be some really high wasted pants.

feelings? so over rated. and i can't post a picture. i lost my camera cord.

i have the worst blisters on my feet. actaully they aren't blisters anymore, just open wounds. it hurts to walk. it hurts a lot.

hey, ramona, come visit me. i have a futon big enough for two.

i'm on fire!

i found a place to live. AND i got a job.

Well, I woke up too early. It’s only eight and I am fully dressed, but there isn’t much for me to do until noon.

I hope someone calls me about a job today. I’m not sure if anyone will let me rent from them if I don’t have a job.

Hi. This is Ramona, reporting from the Lonely City of Rape and Random Attacks Against Women, as I have come to know it. I told you about the man who threw a shoe at me. Since then, I've started to notice all kinds of depressing things which don't necessarily relate to the name itself, but which do reflect my emotional state living under LCRRAAW, which is now not only a city but a tyrant. Ahem.

i spent ALL day walking around droping off resumes.

tomorrow i look for apartments.

Ramona,

let's figure out how to become american citizens before november.

bryn.

ramona, go to the 'dashboard' then click the button 'layout.' you should be able to change stuff.

hope that works

still the best

http://current.com/items/88941392_target_women_yogurt_edition

I take it back

this one is the best: "Weakness: She is female and an attractive, modest one so is bound to marry"

From Applicant

thanks for the book. i wonder what my Professors would have written if i'd asked them to fill out one of these forms.

my favourite so far:

"His only weakness has been his immaturity -- a common failing of students who have lived at home -- and his mouth; there are times when he talks too much."

i don't know how to give you that power. we are both powerless. how do you want to change it?

RACHEL MADDOW. check her out.

Bryn, I hate the layout of this page. It's giving me a headache, but I don't think I have the administrative power to do anything about it--give me the power!

Meanwhile, fartparty!

unsettled, eh?

i'm feeling pretty good about it. i think i need to give myself a little push. and this feels a kind of risky, but it isn't really that extreme (i can always crawl back to my parents basement if it doesn't work). jobs are easy to come by, and so are apartments. i'll be like an adult and stuff. maybe.

did you hear about the wallet nightmare? i spent 16 hours on a greyhound with some stupid guys who swore a lot.

you should check out Rachel Maddow. she is my new favourite political analyst. not that i really had a favourite one prior to her.

Dear Bryn, things sound rough! I just got home, and have heard some snippets about your trouble. I feel quite unsettled about the Toronto thing--what are you thinking? And why so soon?

NY was a dream.

Ramona,

how is your trip? when will you be back in edmonton. i think i'm moving to Toronto.

I'm here! I'm here!

The internet didn't work on my computer for a while. so i prayed. really hard. and now here i am.

Dear Black Space,

What have you done with Bryn? Last time I heard from her, she was happily watching pre-9/11 music videos. I can only assume that she is lost somewhere in the wilderness, surviving on berries and daydreams of the stoic countenance that will one day be her own.

Are we shunting into post-acceleration here?

Am I next?

Sure.

are music videos like the silent victims of 9/11?

Music videos haven't been the same since 9/11, yo.

Even if he put his own helmet on?

why aren't music videos like this anymore?

oh, no thank-you.

Hey! How would you like this guy defending your honour?
Apparently he's really into it. I bet he would do it for free.

and she's putting it on for him. ummm, i was under the impression that chivalry meant that women didn't have to do shit.

I think it's his helmet.

oh. that isn't a harp at all.

you are so pretty and he is so handsome and nice horse! and harp! what could possibly be wrong with this picture!! nothing!

my mom is pretty random generally. i forget her whole argument. she gets really passionate about it though.

Check it out. This is Josh in reverence of my honour.

It's a little random that anti-chivalry is your mum's thing.
What brought this on?

what a nice, if slightly patronizing (kidding josh!) shout out.

remind him not to bring up chivalry around my mom though. that would get ugly.

It's a good voice.

I believe the song playing right now--'Leave My Woman Alone"--is about me.
Remember how he's protecting my honour?

they don't have that album on itunes. itunes has let me down.

i sure am listening! josh has a sexy radio voice, no?

and no, the Queen 'You and I' could never compare. Ever.

It's off the album This is it!

You have gotten yourself into awesome stuff, that's what.

Are you listening to CJSR? It's your last chance.

Nice one. I'm going to download that song right now.

Also, WHAT THE HELL HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?


ummm. that song isn't on itunes. at least not the betty davis version. do you think the queen version would be any good?

New favourite song: 'You and I' by Betty Davis.
"I'm just a child trying to be a woman. And you are a strange one trying to be my friend."
Yessss.

Ha! Adorable. Way cuter than waking up in a pile of puke.

Last night I did five shots in a row and ended up back home at 12:30am. When I woke up there was a chocolate chip cookie with a bite out of it on my bedside table.

NO. THAT IS WRONG. SO WRONG.

Speaking of hopelessness...

I have nothing but contempt for the bitch who thought to market these. I didn't think it could get any worse than perfume for babies. I was wrong.

Ya. Like this, but we won't be around. We’ll be dead.

I guess that didn't happen though. Now I have to make decisions and shit. Lame.

So this is what untitled black space feels like. Barf! Is this what it will be like post-accelerator?